The Old Lady












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I call her the Old Lady because she reminds me of the Old Lady in Babar.  She reads quite a lot and can also drive her "voiture". She does frequently, alone.  She offered to take me along some time, but I reminded her that I often become queasy and don't intend to stick my head out the window like dogs do. She wears black a lot and has a cross around her neck and a litle bun.
I was snooping in her room the other day, and I saw that she used a highlighter in her book on these words:
 "Call me no longer Naomi. Call me Mara."
 
If I do that she will know that I've been snooping in her room.  Do you suppose she is setting a trap for me?
 
Could be she is in her cups.



 
It takes her about four hours to walk across the room.  She is physically sound and appears to be in no pain.  So, why?






Her birthday is coming up soon. Pepper is buying her a large gift certificate from Chez Libre.  Bunny is catering a tea for her in the afternoon.  I am going to buy her a kickstand. No bike. Do you think she will be surprised?  She can use it. 



As promised, I have raided the squirrel's nest, as it were.  This is going to take some time because typing is difficult for me :)








































The Old Lady had the doldrums.  I said, Cheer Up.  Why don't you go into a new line of work?  Of course, she looked dourly at me.  I said, You always wanted to be a clown.  She looked sourly at me, so I said, How about a fire-juggling clown?  A new look passed over her face.  She stopped moping.

 
Soon afterward, all of us received an invitation to see the Amazing Fire-Juggling Clown at a certain theater. 
 
On the given evening, we arrived at what could very well have been Le Theatre Des Vampires, very film noir except it was live.  We had no idea what to expect.   We were all dressed to the nines.  (My dark fur was perfect.)
 
The theatre was dim, and then it was pitch dark as the house lights went out.  Or down.  (I noticed Butch was missing. The Old Lady must have Shanghai-ed him.)  The curtain rose slowly, as all the house lights were snuffed.
 
The stage was backlit, but so dimly you could barely make it out. 
 
As the eyes adjusted, you became aware of the Old Lady, dressed in her long black dress. Her bun had given way to a chignon bound with a net blazing with sparkling jewels  (Paste, I can assure you).
 
Suddenly a juggling pin appeared in mid air, then another and another and another, and the Old Lady's hands were moving at lightning speed, clutching each flaming bowling pin, only to grab at the next so quickly that I felt sure my eyes were deceiving me. 
 
And then, she began to juggle more slowly, slower and slower until the pins seemed almost suspended in midair.  My God, she was defying the Laws of Physics!  Then the dark velvet curtain went down.
 
Now, Boys and Girls, before you go to bed believing all this, let me tell you how she did it:
 
She constructed what looked like a very large hamster wheel, about her own height, made of a plastic material that could not be seen in the dim stage lighting.  Butch was her only stage hand. The juggling pins, which were also transparent until lit up and attached to the circle of the wheel, were all on a timer so that they lit up and "caught fire" one at a time, making them seem to appear out of nowhere as they traveled around the arc in the dark.  She reached out and grabbed at them as they spun around, so that it appeared she was really juggling. 
 
She was a charlatan. We were thrilled.
 
She was not a charlatan.  We were not disappointed.



Something about the Old lady you did not know.  She's got a million boyfriends.
 
No one can believe it because she is so ancient and austere.  Nevertheless, she had the latest in her room the other day.  She says they go in for "little talks."
 
Yeah, sure.  I believe that.  I accidentally overheard him telling her he did not want to be treated like someone's bit of fluff.
 
I don't know why not.  Fluff, cotton candy, tinkertoy.  Whatever.

She gives you treats if you don't fight her. I let her put a collar on me once. I did get it off after a bit.
 
She's very persuasive.